She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
