i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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