I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
