also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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