Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
