i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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