No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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