i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
