my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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