I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
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If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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