Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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