I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize