I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
