Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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