my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
