i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
