"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
