Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
