Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
