The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
