I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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