He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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