roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
