so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
