Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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