i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
