I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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