I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
