So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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