Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
