Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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