I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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