bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We are all done wearing pants today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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