Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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