Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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