Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
