Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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