You work out of a Hotel?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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