We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
