What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
