last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
