you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
