i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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