He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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