im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
