sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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