If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
