It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
