He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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