I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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