it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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