I forgot how hot balto sounded
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
