im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
