the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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