before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
