don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
