I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
