Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
