She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wear drunk well.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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