we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
farters have to be the big spoon...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
