cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
