Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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