i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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