Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
