I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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