i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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