My liver just broke up with me...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
