yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
