Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
