i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize