ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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