how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
