5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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