i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
