I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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