Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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