My sheets look like a crime scene.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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